


In Which Karkat Does Not Know Any Bedtime Stories And Thus Resorts To History Lessons But It Still Works

by Corvid_Knight



Series: Stabdad (Integrated Worlds) [9]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, M/M, alternian history lesson, chatfic, integrated worlds, karkat talks dave to sleep and tells him he loves him, pure worldbuilding, stabdad branch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 11:55:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16639601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvid_Knight/pseuds/Corvid_Knight
Summary: ....this is exactly what it says on the tin. I wanted to make some stuff in this AU canon basically.





	In Which Karkat Does Not Know Any Bedtime Stories And Thus Resorts To History Lessons But It Still Works

turntechGodhead started pestering carcinoGeneticist!

TG: ...

turntechGodhead changed his current mood to INADVERTENTLY ALERT!

CG: IS THAT YOUR WAY OF TELLING ME YOU CAN'T SLEEP?

TG: yes

CG: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT ON THE LIST OF AVAILABLE MOODS, DAVE.

TG: hal made me a mod

CG: YEAH, BUT HOW COME *I* CAN SEE IT?

TG: this is hal were talking about here

CG: OKAY THAT'S FAIR.   
CG: WHAT IS IT THIS TIME, ANYWAY? NIGHTMARES? DO I NEED TO TEXT JACK AND HAVE HIM CHECK ON YOU?  
CG: I'D COME OVER, BUT IF DIS CATCHES ME SNEAKING OUT THIS LATE AGAIN SHE'S GOING TO KICK MY FUCKING ASS.

TG: nah man you dont gotta come over its fine

CG: THAT'S ALMOST EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAY EVERY TIME YOU DISASSOCIATE, DUMBASS.

TG: oh shut up  
TG: i mean dont actually shut up obviously i texted you to do the exact opposite of shut up  
TG: i mean if you were gonna go to sleep you should probably do that but if youre awake itd be cool if you could like   
TG: talk to me  
TG: just about anything i dont give a fuck tell me about your day or complain about kankri and cro  
TG: fuck man tell me about alternian history cause i dont know a goddamn thing about it

CG: ARE YOU OKAY? 

TG: yeah definitely probably

CG: DAVE.

TG: i cant sleep

CG: NIGHTMARES?

TG: not yet

CG: OH.

TG: yeah im a fucking coward about the possibility of bad dreams

CG: YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SCARED OF THAT SHIT, DAVE. QUIT WITH THE NAMECALLING, DUMBASS.   
CG: YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HISTORY SHIT?

TG: yeah man sounds good   
TG: please just talk to me

CG: YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS BE READY TO DO THAT.   
CG: KANKRI'S DOING SOME KIND OF RESEARCH THING ABOUT HEMOCASTES WITH JAKE. YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT?

TG: yeah definitely that sounds good

CG: GOOD.  
CG: IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME THINK OF YOU EVERY TIME HE STARTS LECTURING ABOUT THAT SHIT?   
CG: HE KEEPS LOSING HIS SHIT BECAUSE I'M SMILING AND HE THINKS I MUST NOT BE LISTENING TO HIM IF I'M HAPPY ABOUT IT. 

TG: holy shit youre so gay 

CG: DAMN RIGHT I AM.  
CG: ANYWAY. YOU KNOW THAT WE USED TO JUST LET LUSII RAISE GRUBS, RIGHT?   
CG: AND WE CULLED MUTANTS. A THOUSAND SWEEPS AGO A TROLL WITH MY BLOOD COLOR WOULD'VE BEEN KILLED THE SECOND ANYONE FIGURED IT OUT.

TG: uh  
TG: bad topic right now man 

CG: OH FUCK, DAVE, I'M SORRY.   
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE THAT NOW. 

TG: yeah   
TG: you were gonna tell me why right

CG: I AM, CALM THE FUCK DOWN.   
CG: SEE, WE USED TO KILL EACH OTHER A LOT MORE. OR THE HIGHBLOODS KILLED THE LOWBLOODS, EVERYONE KILLED GRUBS IF THEY HAD HALF A FUCKING EXCUSE. SOMETHING ABOUT NATURAL OVERPOPULATION OR SOME SHIT.   
CG: WHICH IS FUCKING STUPID, WE'VE BEEN FUCKING UP OTHER PEOPLE'S PLANETS AND LIVING ON THEM FOR I DON'T KNOW HOW FUCKING LONG.   
CG: BUT YEAH. CASTE SYSTEM, CULLING, GRUBS ARE SNACKS. WITH ME SO FAR?

TG: snacks like yall actually ate babies

CG: ...UNFORTUNATELY.  
CG: I'D SUGGEST YOU NEVER ASK GHB ABOUT THE *REALLY* OLD MIRTHFUL TEXTS.

TG: holy shit

CG: LIKE I SAID. FUCKING UNFORTUNATE.  
CG: WE SUCKED. EVERYTHING ABOUT FUCKING HEMOCASTES SUCKED. 

TG: are you gonna rant about it

CG: HMM, NO. IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.   
CG: NOBODY'S REALLY SURE EXACTLY HOW FAR BACK SHIT CHANGED, BUT THEY'RE PRETTY SURE WHY.  
CG: THE MOTHERGRUBS STARTED LAYING FEWER EGGS. LIKE MAYBE HALF AS MANY, ENOUGH THAT UNATTACHED LUSII WERE ACTUALLY A FUCKING PROBLEM.   
CG: THEY'RE LESS AGGRESSIVE WHEN THEY'RE RAISING A GRUB.  
CG: SO OF FUCKING *COURSE* THE DUMBASS HIGHBLOODS ASSUME THAT THIS IS BECAUSE THE LOWBLOODS ARE WEAKENING THE GENETIC SLURRY ENOUGH THAT EGGS AREN'T SURVIVING. NOT SURE HOW THE FUCK THEY MISSED THE FACT THAT IT WASN'T JUST ABOUT UNHATCHED EGGS, THERE WEREN'T ANY EGGS TO HATCH! DID THEY NOT ASK THE FUCKING JADES TENDING THE CAVES? WHAT THE FUCK!   
CG: NO! THEY DIDN'T! BECAUSE THEY'RE NOOKBRAINED IDIOTS! THEY FUCKING BANNED LOWBLOODS FROM CONTRIBUTING SLURRY AND KILLED ANY WHO WOULDN'T COOPERATE!   
CG: AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?  
CG: THE FUCKING MOTHERGRUBS STOPPED LAYING. NO EGGS, NO GRUBS.   
CG: FOR SWEEPS.   
CG: THIS WAS THE POINT WHERE THE FUCKING PREDICTABLE THING HAPPENED AND SOMEBODY OVERTHREW THE EMPRESS. JUST NOT A FUCHSIA.   
CG: KANKRI AND RUFIOH ACTUALLY HAD A FIGHT OVER WHETHER IT WAS A TEALBLOOD OR A VIOLET.   
CG: DEFINITELY A LEGISLACERATOR, THOUGH. LIKE, EVERY RECORD AGREES ON THAT, AND IT MAKES SENSE. THE FIRST THING SHE DID WAS SEPARATE THE MOTHERGRUBS THAT WERE LEFT—  
CG: OH YEAH, THESE IDIOTS KILLED OFF HALF THE FUCKING MOTHERGRUBS AND JADES WHO TOOK CARE OF THEM. BECAUSE THAT MADE FUCKING SENSE, BLAME THE BARELY FUCKING SAPIENT CREATURES THAT YOU CAN'T REPRODUCE WITHOUT.   
CG: BUT SHE ROUNDED UP THE ONES THAT WERE LEFT AND GAVE EACH ONE A VARIETY OF SLURRIES. SOME GOT JUST THE HIGHER CASTES, SOME GOT JUST THE LOWER ONES, SOME GOT MIXES OF ALL OF THEM.  
CG: THIS WAS AT THE POINT WHERE THERE WERE A COUPLE THOUSAND OF US LEFT AND EVERYONE THOUGHT TROLLS WERE GOING TO FUCKING DIE OUT. THERE'S SOME REALLY WEIRD RELIGIONS LEFT OVER FROM THAT SHIT.   
CG: MOST OF THE MOTHERGRUBS DIDN'T LAY EGGS, EITHER. NONE OF THE CASTE-SEGRAGATED ONES DID. ONLY SOME OF THE ONES WHO HAD THE RANDOM SLURRIES DID, AND EVEN THEN THE BATCHES WEREN'T LARGE.  
CG: THE ONLY MOTHERGRUBS THAT HAD ANYTHING LIKE PROPER HATCHES WERE THE ONES THAT HAD SLURRY FROM QUADRANTED TROLLS FROM A WIDE RANGE OF THE SPECTRUM.  
CG: COERCING OR FORCING TROLLS INTO PAILING MEANT NO EGGS. PAILING WITHIN CASTE BOUNDARIES MEANT ALMOST NO EGGS. AND QUADRANTING WITH A POWER DIFFERENCE WIDE ENOUGH TO MAKE ONE OF THE TROLLS FEEL AFRAID, THAT MEANT NO EGGS.  
CG: THE EMPRESS FIGURED THIS SHIT OUT PRETTY FUCKING FAST, BECAUSE APPARENTLY SHE WAS THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON WITH ANYTHING RESEMBLING TWO BRAIN CELLS.  
CG: SHE GATHERED ALL THE PSIONICS THAT WERE LEFT AND TOLD THEM THAT THEY WOULD BE SAFE FROM BEING SELECTED AS HELMSMEN FOR AS LONG AS THEY LIVED, AS LONG AS THEY SERVED AS HER...POLICE FORCE, I GUESS. ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS EXECUTE ANY HIGHBLOODS WHO WOULDN'T GIVE UP ON THE WHOLE KILLING LOWBLOODS THING, AND DO IT AS PUBLICLY AND PAINFULLY AS POSSIBLE.  
CG: I FEEL LIKE THEY DIDN'T NEED A LOT OF CONVINCING.  
CG: OH, AND GRUBS. GRUBS WERE REALLY FUCKING PRIZED. THERE HADN'T *BEEN* ANY FOR SWEEPS, RIGHT? LONG ENOUGH THAT LUSII WEREN'T SHOWING UP AT THE CAVERNS TO CHECK FOR GRUBS TO ADOPT. TROLLS HAD TO DO IT THEMSELVES.  
CG: THE EMPRESS DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE LAWS ABOUT CARING FOR GRUBS. ANYONE WHO HURT ONE WAS GOING TO GET RIPPED APART BY WHOEVER WAS CLOSEST.   
CG: AND THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH GRUBS TO GO AROUND AT FIRST. EVERYONE WANTED TO RAISE AT LEAST ONE, BUT EVEN WITH SO FEW TROLLS LEFT THERE WERE MORE ADULTS THAN GRUBS. IT'S HOW CLADES STARTED.   
CG: MAYBE YOUR MOIRAIL'S MATESPRIT HAS A GRUB. YOU'D COME TO THEIR HIVE, HELP CARE FOR IT BECAUSE GRUBS ARE HIGH MAINTENANCE FUCKERS, REALIZE YOU COULD SWING ASHEN FOR YOUR MOIRAIL'S MATESPRIT AND THE MATESPRIT'S KISMESIS IF THEIR ACTUAL AUSPICTICE WASN'T AROUND. SO YOU END UP SPENDING A LOT OF TIME THERE, YOUR KISMESIS ENDS UP PALE FOR THE AUSPITICE YOU'RE STANDING IN FOR. THEY DON'T SPEND QUITE AS MUCH TIME THERE THOUGH, BECAUSE THEY'RE ALSO PALE WITH A GOLDBLOOD WHO'S GOT A BLUEBLOOD GRUB AND ISN'T QUITE SURE HOW TO TAKE CARE OF IT.  
CG: DAD SAYS THAT'S WHEN WE STARTED BEING LESS SHITTY. WHEN WE STARTED BEING PALE SLUTS.  
CG: HE'S PROBABLY GOT A POINT, BUT TECHNICALLY THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN PROVE FROM RECORDS.   
CG: I'VE BEEN TALKING FOR A WHILE, ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?  
CG: ...  
CG: ......  
CG: THAT'S A NO. YOU'RE NOT.   
CG: GOOD. YOU NEED THE SLEEP.  
CG: I HOPE YOU HAVE GOOD DREAMS. OR AT LEAST NO DREAMS, IF THEY'RE NOT GOOD ONES.  
CG: LOVE YOU, DAVE.

carcinoGeneticist disconnected! 

**Author's Note:**

> hmmm, does anyone think this needs more spaces to make it readable?


End file.
